I was up early this morning (not by choice), so I took the time to watch the news. The big feature was of course, the impending hurricane. Seems like we might be getting a touch of the rain and maybe the wind. Sometimes the wind triggers me to think about my early days with Alopecia. I remember how absolutely miserable I was when I wore a wig. The anxiety was intense and oppressive in general, but especially when the weather report called for wind. I remember how much I hated the wind – any wind – that would potentially mess up (or blow off) my wig. The wind represented a loss of control for me and it was the enemy.
Now though, the wind is my friend. It is a sense of freedom for more than one reason. Firstly, because I don’t have to worry about my wig flying off. Secondly, it is a reminder to me of freedom. Freedom to be anxiety free, freedom to just go out into the world and not be afraid or feel confined. I love to feel the wind dance across my skin. It is almost like a private conversation in public.
I took the photo in the graphic above during college. It is a strange photo. It was not intentionally made dark but just happened to turn out that way. Ah, the magic of photography. The subject matter is one of my wig on a styrofoam head, showing the out of control hairs due to static electricity. It always reminds me of the wind and movement. It also reminds me of darkness and uncertainty. The photo always freaked me out, but now it doesn’t. I use it as a learning tool.
So there it is. We must learn from our past and never forget it because it truly defines who we are. And sometimes that is hard because who in the heck wants to relive the nasty or uncomfortable times in our lives? Perhaps this is one of the many definitions of maturity? Might you agree?